Hi folks – I do actually have a really good reason for being absent for the past few weeks. It’s quite simple I was devoting all my energies to living in denial and when not directed at living in denial they were focused on not freaking out by the fact that the major surgery I’ve been avoiding for quite a while has now become unable to be avoided.
Well and so it seems that it is now more dangerous not to have the surgery than to have it in the first place and considering the reason for not going under the knife was I was afraid of not waking up again that should say something.
The last two times I went under a general anesthetic they were forced to revive me one during surgery and then over the next 24 hours twice as my blood pressure dropped below being able to be detected. So I decided that I wasn’t going to risk the ‘three times the charm’ concept and avoided major surgery for a number of years by allowing minor operations under day surgery procedures and a souped up version of twilight sleep.
Now however it appears that nothing will do but a full abdominal hysterectomy, and since hemorrhaging to death isn’t on my list of ways to buy it I can’t see another option AND BELIEVE ME I HAVE TRIED. So since denial has ceased to be effective and hiding under the bed seems rather limited [the light is really bad for reading] I’ve decided to be a big girl and stop doing an impressive imitation of a toddler getting shots at the doctors.
Apparently they believe they can deal with my little tendency to stop breathing without resorting to CPR on the table [although I doubt it would be that way anyway]. So I’m going to spend the next few months having my lung capacity, blood pressure and white cell count checked each week to build up a pattern for them and in the mean time I plan to go on doing everything else as normal [well as close to normal as I get].
No more playing hide and seek, plus I’ve got work to do that doesn’t stop just because I thought the world should stop spinning on account of my freaking out.