I’ve given a great deal of thought lately on what it means to live a life that is worth living. For many years life to me meant making it through each day and not giving into depression or anxiety. Not allowing the fears and failures in my life take control.
For awhile that is enough and it was something I had to do as I beat back the demons of addiction and feelings of utter failure but I have slowly come to the understanding that it wasn’t really a life. It wasn’t enough to get over the past but in order to truly leave it behind I had to address those issues that had led me into the abyss and in a very real way still held me there. Treading water in the darkness no longer seemed to be worthwhile and I had to choose between letting go entirely or to start swimming toward the light.
One of the advantages to social media (which I had stayed WELL away from until recently) is that you get to come across so many different things and people.
A site called Spiritualer has recently come my way and the sayings and messages contained seemed to speak out as if they were talking to me directly. In particular is this quote which almost leapt off the page at me.
It made me realise that this is what I have been doing in a roundabout way with my blog. Sure there are some things that may appear to offer nothing more than a giggle but they are also about sharing my humour about different things with others.
My posts in regards to current events and the different issues that mean much to me are also a way of stepping out of the shadows and saying to the world that my opinions have worth. I no longer wish to hide behind a username and doing anonymous work for different groups that go out under their banners but not my name. Some of my pieces are quite personal, especially those dealing with issues from the past. It was quite nerve-wracking at the time to put these up for public comment but it was part of truly looking at who I was and who I wish to be.
So this is the life I’m building on this blog and in the ‘real’ world and I try very hard each and every night to remember:
http://www.blogher.com/nablopomo-add-all-your-march-2014-posts-here
Unload and Unwind 
A lovely post, Jenni, so moving and personal. The quote leapt off the page for me too – and echoed the lesson I did for the Hallowquest yesterday. No coincidence, I feel. I think that you and I are doing very similar things on our respective blogs. Hugs and blessings. Ali xxx
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It’s a little odd as our seasons and therefor ritual times are slightly different – being on the other side of the world will do that to you. So when you mention some things I go – Oh shit how the hell did I miss blah blah then I remember ah yes different hemisphere! Thank you for your support and yes I do think we both seem to be making a journey with our writing. Blessings of the Lady be with you always.
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Proud musings – the way they should be.
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Thank you
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As I read your pist, my mind revisited the words to a famous Helen Reddy song, “I Am Woman.” The line, “Yes, I am wise, but it’s wisdom born of pain” came to the forefront. I have always believed there can be no real growth without pain. But the pain of being stuck in emotional limbo is far more excruciating, isn’t it? Thank you for your words of wisdom.
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I remember that song – wow I think I was 10 or so when it came out but I do remember it later as well. Yes emotional limbo may seem painless and safe but really it’s not but it is hard to take the leap. Thank you so much for your feedback.
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Love this post. It sounds like you have had much personal growth! I really enjoy your quotes/pictures — there is so much out there that is crap, but you seem to find the really good, pertinent ones.
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I know you have to wade through a great deal of that which is drivel at times but every now and then you see things that speak to you.
When that happens they go in my Sayings folder same as when I come across little funnies – they go in the Just for fun folder on the comp. Sometimes I’ll use them other times they’ll sit for awhile until something comes up and they are applicable.
I’ve learnt to grab them when I see them as trying to find them later when you want them – NEVER works well.
As for personal growth like everyone still growing and trust me there are days when you just want to look up and say OK enough emotional growth now for the year I think. Pity it doesn’t work that way.
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You’re right…the good ones are impossible to find later if you don’t save them to your comp right away. I have learned that lesson over and over again, the hard way!
There are many days when I look up and say, “Enough emotional growth already!” You are not alone in that one, at all. I mean seriously. LOL 😀
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I can connect with many of things you’ve said in this post. In the past, I had trepedations about posting personal issues from past past abusive childhood. Then, I started to free myself from tha.t But, I still have my days that keep me fearful and insecure. Seeing posts like these always reassure me that it’s okay to be open about who I am. We are not all the same. I suppose that’s why I post my nurutring yourself posts. They help me and hopefully others to free themselves from the chains that can keep them confined. Thanks for posting this.
Isadora
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It is part of the process or taking ownership of your life and you are right it can be a little daunting at times. I find like you that when I read the comments from others I can see how maybe I can reach out and offer comfort to someone else just through my writing. Thank you for taking the time to read my words and to give me your feedback it is truly appreciated.
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Thank you for sharing yourself with us Jenni! I enjoy reading about your life and getting to know you through your writing. Putting yourself out there for anyone to see certainly is a scary yet growing experience.
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Scary is quite right – and I do have a few nervous moments when I think ‘oh no they won’t want to come and visit U&U anymore’. But people are so generous of their time and thoughts much like you are being now. Thanks for taking the time to drop in and chat.
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Thank you for sharing. That was both powerful and moving.
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From one who has spent some time in the shadows too – it’s wonderful to see you basking in the sunshine. Clouds may still come and go once in a while, but everything needs a little rain to grow and thrive. Give yourself a huge pat on the back. I am.
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Thanks – need sunnies some days but it’s a lot better than sitting quietly in the dark hoping life kinda just didn’t notice me.
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“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be.”
― William Hazlitt
I suppose this is what makes us human.
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In all our messy splendour.
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Life is the ultimate case of juxtaposition. If we didn’t know what bad things were like, we wouldn’t appreciate the good. Hopefully this will help us to appreciate the good things while we have them 🙂
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What a courageous woman you are. So proud of you. I haven’t gotten to the past entries that detail your pain, but am looking forward to them as I too struggled with a painful past that kept me from embracing life and being happy. Very inspirational quote too.
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