The Chronicles of Jim – Part One


I should get this out-of-the-way right up front – yes this is a post about a cat and yes it is a cat I once had custody of (you note I hope the lack of words such as mine or owned) but I have to tell you this is no regular cat.  I’m pretty sure Jim is a serial killer or at the very least a VERY bad cat.  So those who would rather not know the depths to which a cat can go please feel free to leave.

OMG what am I saying no wait don’t go – I neeeeed an audience ummmm I’ll follow this series with the cutest cat story if you’ll stay for the Chronicles of Jim.  Alright just give me a minute to collect myself – DON’T go anywhere.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATo start let me just say Jim was fine-looking cat, bigger than normal with a pure white bib and paws with the rest of him a lovely ginger.  His most arresting feature was a set of over large green eyes – the colour you would normally see in glass or marbles.  He came to live with Matthew (now ex) and I in 1993 when we picked him up from the RSPCA.  It was no contest – all the other cats were sitting there purring or jumping up going ‘look at me, I’m sooo cute’ and there was Jim lazing in solitary splendour (should have been a warning) on top of the scratching/climbing post.

We leant  in and he raised his head gave us the most insolent look meowed and went back to sleep.  That was it – here he was our cat.  Matt called him Jim after the drink Jim Beam (what – we were uni students) and HRH moved in with us.  From the going over he gave our apartment I’m fairly certain if it hadn’t been deemed appropriate he would have just walked out and we’d never have seen him again.

He quickly settled in and all seemed well.  We were yet to learn just how far Jim would go to get his own way but we were (or I should say Matt was) about to learn about that cats ability to bide.

Now all cats have a tendency to hunt, hence bells on collars etc.  Jim was no different, the only problem was this cat was the Houdini of cats when it came to collars and bells and the fact that Jim preferred larger game such as possums and large birds.

Matt came in one day to discover a live bird under the table with Jim standing over it about to – well I really don’t like to think on that.  So Matt tries to shoo Jim from the bird so he can see if it needs killing or releasing but gets clawed at like something out of National Geographic or Animals Gone Wild.  Now Jim was a little scary yes but Matt being a rather large human displayed his displeasure at being clawed by a sharp smack on Jim’s rump.  Jim froze, stared at Matt and stalked off, which left Matt feeling a little discomforted and in charge of a half mangled bird. (what fun)

It wasn’t until later that night when Matt went to bed that we began to get an inkling of just what we had adopted.  In his normal manner of going to sleep he lay face down and slid his hands under his pillow.  Well that psycho scheming cat had bided his time, crawled up on not just the bed but Matt’s side of the bed, crawled under the pillow (showing a little too much thought and planning in retrospect) and shat .  We leapt out of bed with huge amounts of noise and some particularly colourful phrases that accompanied the stripping of the bed.

Another trip to the shower just because ewwww and then back into the bedroom to see Jim sitting primly on the end of the bed staring just as we walked in.  We froze and looked at the rest of the bed, nothing seemed out-of-place, then we looked back at the cat and I swear the animal smirked, gave a meow , leapt off the bed and walked calmly into the lounge to go to sleep.  We checked the bed, the cupboard and anything else we could think of mainly to avoid thinking about that smug look the cat had shot Matt just as he left the room.

This was our first indication of an overt nature not to mess with the cat and even though I’ve known humans who wouldn’t put that much planning into revenge – this was a CAT and so we probably didn’t really give it the consideration it deserved until ……..

Stay tuned here at Unload and Unwind for future forays in the Chronicles of Jim.

17 thoughts on “The Chronicles of Jim – Part One

  1. This is too much! Psycho cat! I am a dog person myself, and to be frank, cats creep me the hell out. Can’t wait to hear the next installment. In the meantime, I’ll have nightmares of cats relieving themselves under my pillow. 😀

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    • As a rule I prefer cats but gotta tell you Jim was …. different yep different is the all I got.

      Thanks for the feedback and I’m sorry to say it actually gets worse. 😦

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  2. Kitties, as cute and loving as they are, are killers. My cat was very set on bringing us live things in the middle of the night so we wild learn to hunt. I had another cat. Who I watch eat her first kitten.
    But pillow poop! That’s just devious!

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    • I know – the level of calculation was pretty scary in retrospect. As a rule I prefer cats to dogs as dogs are all – look at me, play with me and tail wagging and cats are more – yeah whatever.

      Dogs do have one up on cats however, I was reading awhile back and came across this little gem:

      If you died alone in your house with your dog it would just lie there with you and starve to death. Cats on the other hand – not so nice the moment you’re dead you’re no longer their person you’re food.

      Ewwwww So note to self NEVER die alone in a house with a cat – EVER!!

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