This is from what you may
kindly call my “Dark Phase”. What is just a little upsetting – other than the emo factor I invoked – was that I truly believed this to be something that was positive in nature.
Seeing Through The Glass Darkly
Sometimes the darkness calls to us
And the light seems far from sight
There comes a time for all of us
To do battle with the night
But time does pass
And the dark recedes
The light does return
You just must believe
There is a season in our lives
That seems to bring us sorrow
But seasons change and soon enough
The dawn breaks upon the morrow
I guess I want to tell you all
That I know the darkness well
I know the wins I’ve known defeat
And I know the truth to tell
We win. We lose.
We call a draw.
But in the end our greatest battle
Is to simply try at all.
Jennifer Ellem 2002
I was mired in a world I had created through fear and pain and yet I so desperately wanted a future that I could find solace in such beliefs. I felt that if I could just hold on and treat life as a war and each day as a battle that I would rise out of the darkness.
Of course the reality is that by viewing things in such a way and in conducting my life in such a manner I actually did far more harm to myself than circumstance and others had managed to do to me.
I chose to cut people out of my life, like battlefield injuries I cauterised the wound and moved on. Of course I completely failed to acknowledge the wounds left on others – surely they would be doing the same and I had to be ready to fight.
It was not the circumstances or other people who did the most damage – it was in the choices I made when confronted with pain (both physical and mental) that damn near destroyed me and came close to doing so to those around me.
While I must confess I do have a
perfectly natural rather strange affinity to the baroque style I am now of a much less gravitas approach and can appreciate humour even in the dark.
The point of these pages isn’t just to show off (if they were it would not be that poem I would have shared) it is to show how our writing be it prose or poetry reflects who we were, who we are and maybe who we wish to be. So feel free to share or even just comment – but please remember “I WAS VERY YOUNG” so try for kindness. (or not)