Taking A Chance


carpe diem 3

 

Ok deep breath – in – out – in – out whew mild panic there because I’m going to do something that I have been avoiding in just about every possible way since the first time someone told me I should write books for a living.

GULP!!!!!

I’m going to try – there I said it and posted it on the internet where it becomes a little hard to deny once it hits the public domain.

I’m going to take a leaf out of someone’s blog (new age idiom there – nifty huh – all mine yep thought that one up all by my little lonesome) and attempt to post each chapter as a page in the section Writing for the Joy & Terror of Writing.  I will upload as I write, first the draft which will be open to heckling comment and then the edited chapter.

I’ve been collecting books regarding e-publishing etc for some time now but never really been acknowledging why I wanted them – if I had I probably would have run for the hills again (mentally).

So here’s to new beginnings, if I’m going to rejoin the wider world then perhaps I need to also start contributing to it.  I’ve thought long and hard recently about why I have always responded with fear to the idea of creative writing – it’s not as if I have never done any – I’ve won literary prizes when young for short stories and it’s not as if I lack ideas. I’ve been carrying around a trilogy in my head for so long that the characters are practically family, and there are other ideas – though with lessor form. So when did the fear set in?

I’ve used the excuse that by utilizing my skill in an academic manner and then later directing it toward PR and Marketing I had somehow lost the knack for creative expression. That by treating the written word as a way to inform, dissect or analyse I had somehow stifled any other style or skill with words.

But in retrospect I think I can say pretty definitely that – THAT’S BULLSHIT. Horribly enough I think it falls down to two very simple and rather shaming reasons.

  1. Fear of Failure – I like to win, I know I’m good at what I do now but I don’t know if I’ll be as good in another medium.
  2. Fear of Loss – I’ve taken a few hits over the years and I’ve lost a great deal (much of it my own fault).  Writing is however something I still have and it is something that is as much a part of me and breathing. If I try and fail it may be a loss I won’t be able to handle.

I’ve taken steps to take up my life again – do I risk that?  But the bigger question is if I’m prepared to risk everything else is the real risk not trying and never truly living at all?

So wish me luck and I hope to have something for you soon.

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